my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
