this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
