He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
