Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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