just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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