oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
