your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
