i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
