i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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