I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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