I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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