That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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