it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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