The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
