just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize