i barfeds in our rink
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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