She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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