just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
