Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
