nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
