so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
