mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
