census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
