apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
even my farts smell like vagina
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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