I puked a lego.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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