I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
