she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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