Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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