I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
