the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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