im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
