so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
