y did u give ur computer a hand job?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
