i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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