i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i dont even know how to be here
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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