I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
