Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
