Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
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I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
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That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My vagina is officially offended.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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