Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
