god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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