Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
