Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize