I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
