best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
