So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
