Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
