Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
