i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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