You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
