Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
