I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
