fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
