i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
