dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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