You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
