oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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