If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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