when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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