Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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