It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
