ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
