her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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