Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
is it fun? or sober?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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