I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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