dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
