She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
