She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
