I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
