mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
