Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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