O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
