hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
