His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
false alarm. still invincible.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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