I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
