No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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